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I've done a lot of hard things in my life. But this art thing beats them all.
From standing in front of the whole school giving a speech about cats ( at least I think it was about cats, it was so traumatic for me I don't fully remember, I just remember running off the stage afterwards in complete terror ). Oh and by the way, I was 7 or 8 years old at the time.... To auditioning for the lead role in a school play in grade 7. I didn't get it which was a blessing since the 2 lines I actually had to sing for my small part almost did me in anyway.... To competing in the jumper ring with my horse where all eyes would be on me and my performance. I was more nervous putting myself in front of a crowd than I was going over the jumps! (that was just all out fun!).... To standing in front of a group of people, sometimes as many as 200, talking about how horses teach us about leadership and authenticity. ( Yes, once again, memories of the long ago speech that nearly crippled me with nothing like visions of sugar plums dancing around in my head. ) And now. After all I have done in my life. After all I have pushed myself to do because I loved the the thing I was doing so much. I did it because I didn't want fear to rule my life. I did it because I believe you run towards the thing that scares you the most. Because beyond that is where true growth lives. In true growth dwells our true self. The person we are meant to be. The destiny we are meant to live and the gifts we were given to share. Yet, after all that, you would think this art thing would be easy breezy. This little art thing, that I have poured my heart and soul into, that I played with, laughed with, cried with and at times raged with...wouldn't cause the panic that rises inside me whenever I show a new piece or dare to say I am an artist. Ok, so when I read back through that, why the hell wouldn't it scare the living daylights out of me? So, here I go again, placing my foot into yet another stirrup and throwing myself into yet another wild ride! ( alright, that is a little dramatic I get it. But you get my point..I've ridden a lot of horses..blah blah..blah.. now back to the point ) Here's to you fear, I accept the challenge and I raise you my best hand yet.
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I want to welcome you to my musings, my curiosity about life and the never ending yearning for completion.
When I say completion, I mean to finally feel like I have arrived at where I am meant to be. Is that even possible? At least for me? It seems to happen to so many other people. At least that's what their Instagram feed says. Life is a journey. Again, a cliche but so very true. I have journeyed quite a bit in my almost 60 years! ( Yikes! I can actually say that! ) My journey hasn't been comprised of world travel, exotic places and breathtaking adventures. If only that would have been my story. I have had a smattering of that, but mainly it has taken me through many new business ventures. I am what you might call a serial entrepreneur. Although that may sound glamorous and exciting, in truth it is really about boredom and perhaps impatience with a sprinkling of self-doubt in there as well. Art and horses have always been a part of my life. Horses more so with art playing hide and seek most of my life. ( Queue the self-doubt voice ). In truth, I don't know if I really have anything to say of any significance at least. But, since I opened the door to the creative child that lives inside me, I can't seem to get it closed again and it seems she has some stuff to say! So that is what this blog is all about. Turning the page, after 50 and starting again. When you think you're done, it turns out there is more. I hope you join me in a conversation about starting again, not slowing down even when we are slower and finally saying, " to hell with it, I'm letting go of the reins and setting her free. Run girl, run." I'm ready for the ride, are you? |
AuthorIt seems my life has been a series of new beginnings. It's been a life shaped by change and an unending willingness to begin again. So here I am, allowing the art that has always whispered, quietly in my ear to emerge and live in the world. ArchivesCategories |
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